Something's Gotta Give
by An Angel in Darkness
Summary: Then, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I opened the letter, my hands trembling, my heart racing. I could barely read the words after I realized what it was.
1. The Joy and Glory of Condoms

Kendall's POV

There is nothing more awkward than doing an oral presentation on condoms. Excruciatingly worse, your three best friends are sitting in the front row giggling about how you stutter every time you say penis.

I had to admit it, I was a little guilty about feeling sorry for myself. The person I should've pitied was Logan. He was stuck with doing his health report on some real nasty STD with a wealth of sick side effects. Not a pretty picture. Seriously, I remember the first time he looked for pictures. He hyperventilated for about an hour, then vowed he would be a virgin for the rest of his life.

Although not the best experience for him, I'm guilty of looking back on that memory and smiling. I've always found Logan's innocence…well, hot.

Yeah. I was in love with Logan.

He was special. He had this indescribable charisma that I just couldn't let go. Notice my use of past tense…

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Back to my painful oral report on the joy and glory of condoms…

What may seem weird is that I'd give just about anything to go back to that day. It was the last day I'd felt true happiness. If only I could go back, and somehow prevent Logan from reading the letter that threw my life on a path of unstoppable heartbreak and tears.

--------

"And then the condoms goes over the, um, p-penis."

James stifled a laugh.

"Over the years, condoms have developed. A vast range of sizes, colors, and ever flavors are available today."

Carlos suddenly got this cruel smile that said "hey, let's torture Kendall even more!" I had a terrible feeling about what he was going to ask.

I shot him a death glare. He raised his hand anyway.

"Why would you need a flavored condom anyway?"

I had no choice but to explain a blowjob to my three giggly friends. Before I could answer Carlos' question, I was saved by the Palm Woods school's makeshift bell-a kitchen timer.

I breathed a sigh of relief and joined the guys as they headed towards the elevator. Logan had this look of sheer terror, for lack of a better word, in his eyes, probably from Carlos' question. He probably had a bad mental image.

Logan's eyes could tell me anything. They say a person's eyes are a window to their heart, and if that's true, Logan's heart was always wide open. Whenever he was lying about something or holding back on his feelings, I could tell. He might have been the genius, but I was the mind reader.

"Carlos, you really need to learn to be more mature!" Logan said, obviously trying to shake the image out his hand. "There are some people who do not want imagine blowjobs in their head."

"Then stop being such a perv!" James joked. Carlos and I laughed. Logan didn't. He just turned the other cheek and shut up until we got back to the apartment.

Gustavo had given us a few hours off, due to some emergency meeting with Griffin, and we were all looking forward to taking a break and just hanging out. Little did I know, my world was about to be turned upside down.


	2. The Letter

Logan's POV

"You know, James, you can't un-see things!" I said, still scarred by hell class. Oh, I mean health class.

"Oh, Logan, you're such a wimp!" Carlos said. "Just let it go, man!"

"Carlos, sex Ed is a very important element of education, but don't you think the system should wait until-"

James cut me off.

"Shut the hell up or I'll superglue a picture of a genital wart on the ceiling above your bed."

I wanted to make a good comeback, but I was scared that he actually meant it.

Kendall opened his mouth to say something when Mrs. Knight walked into the room.

"We have some mail today," Mrs. Knight said. "There's something for Logan here."

I was a little surprised. I never got snail mail. My parents were total tech junkies, so they emailed me everything.

"Is it from my mom?" I asked, thinking that maybe her laptop broke or something.

Mrs. Knight handed me the letter, and as soon as I saw the return address, my body went numb.

The letter was from the Marie Mendeleev School of Medicine, a prestigious pre-college program for aspiring doctors in Massachusetts. People who graduated with good marks were shoo-ins for great medical schools. It had always been my dream to go to school there. The problem was that the school was known around the nation, making it extremely hard to get into. They received hundreds, maybe even thousand of applications every year for only sixteen spots. I applied a few weeks before Big Time Rush started, and then pretty much put it out of my mind.

But there I was, standing in the middle of the apartment, all of my previous anxiety returning. Getting in would be the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

"What's that?" Kendall asked, breaking my concentration. I was caught off guard, and panicked.

"It's, uh, its n-nothing…" I lied. "It's probably just…nothing…"

Kendall didn't look convinced, I'm a horrible liar, but he left me alone.

Then, I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I opened the letter, my hands trembling, my heart racing. I could barely read the words after I realized what it was.

"_To the parents of Logan Mitchell:_

_We are pleased to inform you that your son, Logan, has been accepted into the Marie Mendeleev School of Medicine. After a rigorous admission process, he has demonstrated the skill coveted by-"_

The words blurred together after that. All I could make out was _"full scholarship." _Full scholarship? Me?

I couldn't focus. After all that hard work in school, I was one step closer to reaching my lifetime goal of being a doctor.

This was huge. I was going to live on campus in Massachusetts. I would be taking classes from the most experienced-

An atomic bomb went off in my head as I realized the reality here.

I would have to move to Massachusetts. I would have to leave Big Time Rush. I would be letting down Gustavo, Kelly and an entire record company, not to mention abandoning my best friends. With all the homework I'd have to do, I'd never have time to visit, much less find a way to pay for it.

I would have taken the offer in a heartbeat if we were still in Minnesota. It wouldn't be a big deal. I wasn't nearly as close to my friends in Minnesota then I was when we became a band.

Spending every waking moment with each other really opened our eyes. We weren't four friends anymore, we were one band. I had a hard time imagining how to leave that.

To go or not to go: that was the question. If only I'd chosen the smarter answer.

* * *

A/N: The school isn't real…


	3. Security

Kendall's POV

_Something I want so bad, know what's inside your head. Maybe I can see what you see_.

That was Logan's cue. A few seconds passed where he didn't sing anything. Gustavo exploded.

"What is wrong with you?"

"I don't know...just, stress I guess," Logan said as he ran his hand through his hair.

Gustavo was furious.

"How the hell could you be stressed if YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING!?"

Logan looked ashamed.

"I...don't...I don't know..."

This didn't come as a surprise to me. Logan seemed distant over those last few days. He was forgetting lyrics, barely talking to anyone, and he was even the cause of a dancing accident that left Carlos with a black eye. Something was obviously up.

"Dude, there's gotta be something wrong with you," Carlos said. "My face proves it!" He pointed to his injury.

James continued to seemingly read my mind. "This isn't like you at all. Carlos is right, man, something's up!"

I wanted to say something, but I noticed how torn Logan looked. His eyes told me he had something hidden, but he didn't want to talk about it. He hesitated, trying to think of the right thing to say.

"Just...just leave me alone."

With that, he unexpectedly fled the soundbooth, leaving a strange tension in the air. Gustavo broke the deafening silence.

"We have got to get him a therapist..." Gustavo joked, hoping it would lighten the mood.

It didn't. The silence returned. I had to break it.

"Can I talk to him?" I asked. Gustavo nodded.

I automatically knew where to go-the dance studio. It was wide open and empty, the perfect place to think. Sure enough, he was there.

"Hey," I said casually. Logan didn't respond. I couldn't think of anything else to say. I was about to leave when he cracked.

"I…I have to leave."

I didn't understand exactly what he meant.

"I mean, for good."

I sat down next to him, trying to hide my sudden shock.

"Why?" I asked. "Is something wrong? Is everything okay? Is it your family? Did someone…die?"

Logan wiped a tear away. "No. My family's fine. It's not them, it's this."

He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a piece of paper. He unfolded it and showed it to me.

As I read the letter, I realized that Logan was actually serious about leaving Big Time Rush.

"You can't actually take this offer!" I said frantically. My mind raced. I had to find a way to convince Logan to stay.

"I have to." He said. "It turns out my parents got a copy of this letter, too. They called me two nights ago insisting I go."

"You don't have to listen to them." I said, desperately trying to fight him.

"Yes I do." Logan shot back. He couldn't hold back. Hot, steamy tears streaked his face. "I have to listen to my parents. I hate to say it, but they're right."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Think about it this way. What'll happen if the band fails? We can't just move back to Minnesota and forget it ever happened. The band will look horrible on college applications."

I wanted to protest, but I knew he had a point. I let Logan continue ripping my heart out.

"Remember that crazy teacher we had in the School of Rocque? You know, the one we sent to Germany?"

I smiled a little, remembering the memory.

"No, Kendall, seriously. I don't want to end up like him."

He stopped and looked me in the eyes.

"Have you ever seen the housekeeping guy that cleans out apartment every morning?"

I nodded, fearing that Logan would have another point that wouldn't let me persuade him to stay.

"I talked to him while he cleaned one day. Turns out, he was a singer. He had everything; looks, talent, and experience. The problem: he got into a car accident. It gave him those really ugly scars he has on his face."

He paused.

"His record label canned him. He ended up as a maid."

Logan looked at me sincerely. As much as I didn't want to think about it, he was absolutely right. It was small things like what happened to the housekeeping guy that destroyed peoples careers.

"I can't live with this insecurity. We're in our late teens, Kendall. What's the best that could happen to us? We're mildly famous for a year or two, and then it's like we never existed?"

A steady flow of tears was now dripping from his face. He paused to collect himself.

"I need safety. I'm not the biggest fan of risks, you know that. Remember when we were in Junior High, and I wouldn't even walk two blocks to the library with you? I was afraid my mom would yell at me for going without parental supervision. Big Time Rush isn't exactly a walk to the library. I just can't do this. Do you know what I mean?"

By that time, I was crying too, and all I could do was nod. I understood. Logan was the type of guy who needed security. He needed to know exactly what the future held for him.

I knew that if Logan was going to be a doctor, he had the potential of being a great medical researcher. Heck, if he worked for it, he could probably find the cure for cancer.

But would he do that? No. Logan would expect the worst, and work for the best. He would go for years and years of medical school, and probably graduate school. Knowing Logan, he might repeat courses he aced to make sure he knew all of the information!

He'd do all that work to probably end up back in Minnesota, working for a small town clinic. He'd meet a nice girl, settle down, have kids, and live the most normal life imaginable. Nothing exciting, nothing risky, nothing to make it all worthwhile.

I wanted so badly to fight him. I wanted to find some way, any way to try to get Logan to stay. We sat in silence for a while. Logan even leaned his head on my shoulder. We both sat on the floor of the dance studio and just...cried.

* * *

A/N: The school isn't real…BTW, **REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


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